Home > Technology > Alternative browser names in times of stress

Alternative browser names in times of stress


As a web programmer, I’ve noticed that the choice of browsers available is a poor one, dispite the rich variety on offer. Basically, no single browser does the trick. They all have their issues, bugs and strange behaviours, as reflected by the fact that not a single publicly available browser can pass the Acid3 test yet.

Anyway, here’s my list of alternative, stress releaving browser names. (I don’t lay credit to some of the names, but as far as I know, the explanations are all mine).

Internet Exploder

Etymology:

Comes from the unique way IE renders standards compliment pages. Or, more accurately, renders them useless: With one simple click of the mouse, hand crafted layouts and carefully planned page site designs are scattered randomly over the screen, as if struck by a bomb blast.

Firefucks

Etymology:

Completely and purposefully fecks up any page designed with IE in mind to the point of inaccessibility, thus allowing the users to complain vocally about non-standards compliant pages.
(By the way, if you think I should have censored this browser title, ask what people living in Scunthorp think?)

Suffari

Etymology:

The long suffering of Mac users throughout the world (and now a small but growing number of misguided Windows users) using this browser and cursing the 90% of the web not written for it, is all one needs to know.

Netscrape

Etymology:

This browser gets its name from the way it browses: like an old car one mile short of the scrapyard, with its bumper scraping along tarmac. It turns even the lithest site into a chuffing jalopy.

Muzzler

Etymology:

This old browser shot itself with a 12 gauge when Firefucks came along.

iScab

Etymology:

It’s plain crusty.

Frock

Etymology:

This browser has far too many frills.

SeaMonkey

Etymology:

No need to change the name on this one. Just double click on the icon and your computer will be instantly transformed into a wet banana.

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